( VOICEMAIL @ PROXIMA ) do you have an iq over 170?

[afieldsmedal]

❝ You've reached Lydia Martin. I'm obviously not available right now, or I'm screening my calls and don't want to talk to you. But either way, leave a message and I might get back to you. ❞


( TEXT - VIDEO - VOICEMAIL - ARCHAIC LATIN )

Comments

(TEXT | PRIVATE) sometime on saturday hope ur ready

[freaking]

lydia text me as soon as you get this i am freaking

out

Freaking Out actually with a capital F and capital O

(TEXT | PRIVATE) I AM NOT PREPARED

[afieldsmedal]

[ a couple minutes later and the resignation is palpable. ]

What did you do now? Or who, I won't judge.

1/2 (TEXT | PRIVATE)

[freaking]

i didn't do anything OR anyone i am a completely innocent party here

2/3 i lied i always lie (TEXT | PRIVATE)

[freaking]

did you uh

wake up with any extra equipment today

(TEXT | PRIVATE)

[freaking]

like idk, a penis? for example. hypothetically.

(TEXT | PRIVATE)

[afieldsmedal]

[ stiles you can't just say stuff like that. ]

No.

Nope.

Still physically female.

You need to explain to me why this hypothetical question doesn't sound very hypothetical.

(TEXT | PRIVATE)

[freaking]

great

can you come over? that might be easier.

bring some spare clothes maybe

also hot chocolate

and a handle of vodka because we're both gonna need it

(TEXT | PRIVATE)

[afieldsmedal]

I suppose I owe you on the clothes, for the hospital.

But seriously. What am I walking into when I go upstairs to your apartment?

(VIDEO | PRIVATE)

[freaking]

[Ugh ugh ugh this is the worst, but showing her now might be better than just--yelling surprise!! and flashing her brand spanking new tits when she walks in the door.

So enjoy one (1) very decidedly female face on your feed, short hair rumpled, with what is now an oversized t-shirt slipping off one shoulder.]

Boobs. You're walking into boobs, Lydia, which are making my clothes fit really weird and I know it's before noon but I need to start drinking, like, immediately. Right now. Pronto.

(VIDEO | PRIVATE)

[afieldsmedal]

[







....

ha haha ha.

but seriously. ]

Who the hell are you supposed to be?

[ because that's totally not stiles. no way. it can't be. (give her a moment.) ]

(VIDEO | PRIVATE)

[freaking]

[Yep, this is awful already.]

I'd rather not play the "tell me what lipgloss I started wearing in eighth grade that was later discontinued or point out where Prada bit me that one time" game to get you to believe it's me but I will if we really, really have to.

(VIDEO | PRIVATE)

[afieldsmedal]

[ the breasts are awful (or wonderful, they're practically synonyms now a days) and distracting and the way stiles' entire face has changed but hasn't has lydia's mouth open and twitching, like she means to say several different somethings and can't quite do it. ]

...You know what kind of lipgloss I wore in eighth grade?

[ because that bit of knowledge is creepy no matter who is spouting it off. ]

(VIDEO | PRIVATE)

[freaking]

Possibly. Maybe. [Leeet's just redirect.] I think you're missing the point.

[The point being that Stiles now has girl parts that he has not yet thoroughly investigated (because getting an expert opinion was sort of Top Priority after the initial wave of panic) but they are definitely there. And his dick, sadly, is not.]

(VIDEO | PRIVATE)

[afieldsmedal]

— right, yeah, sorry.

[ she's getting keys. keys, keys, where are her keys...

oh yeah, and clothes! here lydia redoubles and slips into her bedroom to rummage, distractedly. there's no point doing this one handed, though. ]

It's okay, I'll be right up. [ though before shutting off her ipad, there's a faint hint of a smirk, and something that straddles condescension and humor quite efficiently. ]

I bet now you're wishing we'd actually had you measured for a bra.

slightly backdated to the day before the bodyswap thing.

[instinct]

Hey.

[afieldsmedal]

Oh wow, just "hey"? I guess I've come to expect something a little dirtier from you, Derek. But I won't complain about a change of pace.

Hi, how are you?

1/2

[instinct]

Fine.

[instinct]

[ and like 20 minutes later because he's bad at this. ]

You?

[afieldsmedal]

[ seriously so bad at this. ]

I'm fine, thanks. What's up?

[instinct]

Nothing.

Do you want to do something?

[afieldsmedal]

A sexual something?

[instinct]

No.

[afieldsmedal]

What else did you have in mind?

[instinct]

I don't know. It doesn't matter.

[ really bad at this. ]

[afieldsmedal]

[ it's not like they do anything other than the sexual stuff, right???

...right? ]

Are you asking me out on a date?