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( VOICEMAIL @ PROXIMA ) do you have an iq over 170?

❝ You've reached Lydia Martin. I'm obviously not available right now, or I'm screening my calls and don't want to talk to you. But either way, leave a message and I might get back to you. ❞

( TEXT - VIDEO - VOICEMAIL - ARCHAIC LATIN )

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For two or three?

[ wow. ]

Two.

[ business business derek. gotta know how many condoms to put in her bag.

(though — and she'll deny it — she's grown fond of their little dates; the one-on-one aspect is nice. ]

Great. I'll see you there. Let me know the time, yeah?

Edited 2014-01-29 05:27 (UTC)

[ and at some point later after he's made the call. ]

7:10.

See you at 7:10, Derek ;)

I don't know. I don't know what the correct response is either, Lydia.

Did you start the argument or did she?

derek's being a gigantic asshole and i don't know how to deal with it.

[Haven't you missed these girl talk seshes??]

[ wait stiles no he's not :( ]

I don't think he's been being an asshole. Why? What happened?

[ because he's been taking her on dates. ]

really? because that's sort of his default state.

you know those guys who treat you great while you're boning and then immediately turn around and act like you're trash and send you death threats as soon as the orgasms are over?

because that's been derek. for like, the past month.

if i get whiplashed any harder my head's gonna snap off.

Do you two need to take a break? Couples therapy maybe?

that's hilarious, thank you

He's not going to kill you, Stiles. He's just saying that, probably just being defensive. Or maybe he feels guilty about something, I don't know. I'm not Derek.

So you can bitch to me, but you're going to have to come over and meet my new puppy, or you two can take a breather and try to talk again later.

yeah, see, he told me he'd kill me if i helped erica with her chip. please tell me you also see the gigantic neon blinking hypocrisy in that.

you got a puppy?

can i bring booze?

I'm sure there's several deeper layers of psychological underpinnings that we could dig into with that one.

Her name's Angie. Only if it cost more than $30, I'm not drinking liquid paint cleaner.

no kidding. too bad when you start digging he turns into a freaking porcupine with quills made of lasers to defend his insane emotionally stunted logic.

will you accept a $15-20 bottle of wine?

[Because his job that I haven't even thought to specify after all these months totally can't fund $30 booze runs!!]

I don't think he's as opaque as he thinks he is. I'll see if I've got a psychology text book around here or something. We can psychoanalyze him properly.

So long as it's a rosé.

that sounds--ironically? or appropriately?--like it'll be therapeutic.

rosé. you got it.

That's what I'm here for.

Hurry up.

[ or actually, take your time, because she's got to take angie for a quick walk around the block and shove the laundry on her couch back into her bedroom. while stiles may be getting gradually more and more familiar with her underwear, that doesn't mean lydia wants him reclining in it.

she's got her dog walked, clothes haphazardly shoved into the clean hamper by the time he gets there, and is washing her hands to cut cheese to put on crackers (she'd bust out salmon spread if she had it) because that goes well with rosé, and she likes to pretend she's an adult. ]

[It takes Stiles a while to find a liquor store that'll sell to him, anyway. He finally comes across a little specialty grocer that has wine that won't break the bank, so he grabs the pinkest bottle he can find--then snags a little box of chocolate truffles as an after-thought, and a bag of homemade doggy biscuits as an after-after-thought.

He's carrying them in a paper bag when he gets to Lydia's place, slides out of his shoes and sets the wine on the counter.]

These are for the clothes you lent me, and also just--for you in general, you know. Just for generally being you. [Except Stiles realizes belatedly that he has the dog biscuits in hand, drops them on the counter and reaches for the truffles, pressing those into Lydia's hands instead.]

Sorry, uh--the biscuits are for Angie. Obviously. Chocolates are for you. The other way around would be bad for both of you, probably.

[ her eyebrows were in serious danger of flying off her forehead, thank you very much for clarifying, stiles. but when she's got an armful of truffles instead of dog biscuits in her face, lydia smiles. ]

Aw, you didn't have to do that. That's so nice, Stiles!

[ and if you ever feed chocolate to her dog, she'll be the one to start making those death threats.

angie is a small australian shepherd who looks like she's starting to straddle the line between puppyhood and young adult dog life. she's also splayed out on lydia's living room carpet. she gets up and plots over at the mention of her name, and lydia shoves the bag of treats back into stiles' hand before going to fetch cups from her cupboard. ]

You should give her one. She's super friendly, doesn't bit. Also, I don't actually have any wine glasses, so we're going to be super classy and drink wine out of tea mugs.

[Years of Lydia totally ignoring his present-giving efforts--even when they're bigger than both of their heads put together--have sort of trained him to deal with easy dismissal, so when she thanks him he feels a warm flush of satisfaction, lips twitching into a smile as he rocks on his heels a little.]

Yeah, it's--no big, you know, just doing what I do.

[Angie, as it turns out, is pretty cute. And maybe not a bad third companion when their usual third companion has been making him feel like complete and total crap lately. Stiles lowers into a squat with one of the biscuits in hand, holding it in his palm for her to sniff.]

Mugs are good. Mugs mean I don't have to pretend to sip when I sort of want to chug. Does she know any tricks?

No, she's just a puppy.

[ lydia's up on her tip toes, pulling two blue ceremic cups from the cupboard and rinsing them to make sure they're clean before rooting out a corkscrew and all of that, and the bottle of wine, over to the coffee table. they're going to drink and get comfortable and bitch about derek hale —

after she's done with the cheese, which she returns to the kitchen to cut, and smiles at her just a puppy. ]

She's very obedient, though. That ought to be a trick. And if you try to chug the rosé, I'm taking it away from you.

[ classy mugs, stiles. classy. ]

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( VOICEMAIL @ PROXIMA ) do you have an iq over 170?

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do you want a log bb!

i want quick and dirty action!!!

thumbs up!!

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